Created with All the Energy I Have Left. Read It.

Hello, Blog!

So what, it's been like a year since I've write anything here, huh?
It's not like I went anywhere...no, I didn't

Life just... happens...
Well actually work happens. Mostly work and then a little bit of life

I must say this about adulthood though

First there's this:

And after a while there's this:

In conclusion, in short, I think Admiral Ackbar knows what's up:

and that he's been trying to warn us a long time ago... We're sorry we didn't listen, Admiral!!

WE'RE SORRRYYYYYY!!!!

(and of course now you also know that I've spent too much time on the Internets)

Despite that... despite my daily life as a computer slave, I've decided to do something about it. Somewhere deep in my mind a little voice keeps telling me that I'm not taking any of this shit anymore. 

I am fed. up.

Imagine, spending all day clicking buttons, looking at monitors, reading, typing, editing, listening to customers whose requests can only be made possible by the Lord Almighty, and the stress.

The stress and the utterly heartbreaking realization that this is your life. It's ending one second at a time and you're just sitting there. 

(and also partly my obsession with Fight Club)

I feel doomed.

This is not what I want. This is NOT what I envisioned.

Of course I'm not saying that nobody deserves what they want, it's just that if I still have a choice, I sure am not going to choose being a cubicle zombie for the rest of my life.

So I made a choice

A risky and overly confident choice: I'm quitting.

It's scary thinking of it right now... Because like it or not MONEY is in the picture. And I don't want to be any burden to my parents anymore

Nothing is clear right now... To be honest I'm not sure what to do right after...

I am actually thinking about taking my Master's. Let's see how that goes :)

(am thinking of New Zealand... for all the wrong reasons.... like salmons and Hobbiton)

I don't even know why I write this, just need to get it out, maybe

And I'm nervous, scared, excited, and anxious at the same time. It's a weird combination of feelings to be having

So then I bid you all good night. Have no more mind to spill nor the energy to do so

(Plus I put images in, so stop whining!)

Because Chuck Palahniuk is such a BADASS

This is why...I guess...

gue suka mikirin tentang cewek2 itu...cewek2 yang disebut dalam lagu ato digambar di komik...

like...apa ya? umm, to be honest sometimes i wish i could be them...
intinya sih gue pengen sekali aja jadi cewek yang disebut dalam lirik2 lagu

gue pengen ada yang memandang gue seperti dalam lirik lagu

god...this is pathethic...

but at least i'm being honest...

betapa beruntunganya cewek2 dalam lagu itu...dikenal jutaan orang, dikenang sampe setidaknya setahun, bisa dinyanyiin...
kadang gue mikir kalo gue ga bakal bisa digituin...
apa yang mau ditulis tentang gue??

muka...muka gue pas2an, cume nyerempet2 Manohara yang telat diselamatkan dari Kelantan dan harus berenang sendiri dari sana ampe Priok
postur...yaelah...apa deh yang mau dibahas? banjir kemana2 gini!
kelakuan...ya ampun...demam tinggi di umur balita telah merusak sedikit bagian otak gue...ga bener deh kelakuan, bleberan kemana2 gini...diem aja gue bleberan ga karuan, mending gue jangan ngapa2in

intinya gue bukan lyric girl material.

ga bisa ini dibagusin, bahkan pake kata2

Dasar Amalia.
makanya jangan cacat2 bgt jadi orang...ga ada yang bisa dibanggain fiturnya...sedih bener.

cewek2 di dalam lirik lagu itu...gue ngiri...

kadang gue suka mikir apakah gue bisa jadi mereka?

gue ngomong apa sih? (ngomong aja ga jelas...udahlah deh ya)

udahlah, ga usah dipikirin...lewatin aja, beneran deh...




gue ga ngerti knp sampe skrg gue masih saja jomblo...
i mean, ini nih dari pengamatan gue yang dangkal aja ya, gue tau secara fisik gue emang ga oke, gue ga cantik ato langsing ato apalah...tapi gue tau gue ga SEJELEK ITU, gue tau muka gue masih presentable di muka publik tanpa dampak menimbulkan bencana yang katastrofis...

jadi apa dong? badan?

ya gue tau gue gemuk, tapi kan ga SEGEMUK ITU yang bulet didorong dikit langsung gelinding...badan gue masih ada bentuknya walau ga kliatan bgt

dan gue liat ada org2 yang jauh lebih berisi dari gue dan mereka tidak jomblo

jadi apalagi dong? kelakuan?

feeling gue si ini yang paling ga bener dari seluruh gue...gue anaknya ngasal bgt gitu, beler mulu, bleberan, ngomong suka ga dipikir...kalo ketawa kemana2, toa bgt, ga ada rem, gue ga bisa ketawa yang bagus gitu (temen gue byk yg ketawanya heboh tapi masih bagus dlm ukuran gue, ketawanya wajar), gue kalo ketawa pasti aneh bgt keluarnya...kyk hyena kena rabies terus dikelitikin...gue juga nyadar tingkah laku gue ga mencerminkan cewek sama sekali, gue nyadar bgt itu...rusak udah...RUSAK. Tapi gue kan ga jahat, i consider myself to be quiet funny dan gue tau gue ga tolol, walau gue ga gahul ya...gue tau gue juga ga ansos2 bgt walau kadang gue sulit mengakrabkan diri sama org baru, but i tried to, i tried so fuckin hard to do so...gue tau kelakuan gue cacat, ga layak buat dunia, seseorg harusnya ngirim gue ke galaksi lain aja, biar gue bisa bercengkrama sama yg jenisnya sama ma gue.

mungkin tingkah laku gue ya...emangnya kriteria cewek yang bisa dipacarin tuh apa sih?

kenapa harus gitu?
apakah sesuatu yang seabstrak pacaran bisa dikriteria-in?
berarti harus seragam dong?
ga bosen kalo pacar lo sama aja ma pacar org di sebelah lo? tukeran aja kalo gitu kalo udah bosen ma mukanya, toh sama ini.
bukannya harusnya seseorg jadi spesial di mata org lain krn dia ga sama ma org lain ?
kalo semua org spesial dalam cara yg seragam, berarti pada dasarnya ga ada org yang spesial dong?

dunia ini udah membuat gue merasa bersalah saat gue cuma menjadi diri gue sendiri.

humanity is just so cruel...and boring...and also right, but also wrong...

ato gue yang udah jadi korban iklan dan modernisasi kyk kebanyakan manusia seumuran gue di zaman skrg...

harusnya gue cuek aja...toh gue bukan penjahat ini...

tapi knp gue masih juga jomblo??
apakah iya gue se-ngilfeel-in itu sampe ga ketolong lagi?
apa sih yg salah ma gue??

iya! itu pertanyaannya: Apa yang salah pada Amalia Putri binti Libson Landjumin?

yang jawab bener gue kasih garukan punggung dari platinum bertabur berlian.


t*i gue aneh bgt...